Legacy of an Adopted Child

*My son's birthmother just called and read this poem to me. I found it HERE under poems. Thank goodness for the internet!

Legacy of An Adopted ChildAuthor Unknown

Once there were two women,

Who barely knew each other.

One is in your heart forever,

The other you’ll call mother.

Two different lives,

Shaped to make yours one.

One became your guiding star,

The other became your sun.

The first gave you life,

And the second taught you how to live it.

The first gave you a need for love,

And the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality,

The other gave you a name.

One gave you the seed of talent,

The other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions,

The other calmed your fears.

One saw your first sweet smile,

The other dried your tears.

One gave you a family,

It was what God intended for her to do.

The other prayed for a child,

And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me

Through your tears,

The age old question through the years.

Heredity or environment…

Which are you a product of?

Neither, my darling… neither,

Just two different kinds of love.

A Reunion

In May, I received a phone call (out of the blue) from my son's birth mother. I was chicken and didn't answer the phone. She left a message saying she had some great news to share with me.

When I mustered my courage and called her back, she told me that she had a little sister that was placed for adoption at birth. Ever since she had placed S with us, she felt more and more compelled to find her biological sister.

On May 28th, she found her via a social networking sight. She was so emotionally overcome that she wanted to share it with someone.

Me.

I was honored and even cried a little bit myself because she found her sister and she cared enough about me to tell me. It was such a sweet experience.

Tender Mercies

One year ago I was scammed. My husband and I had been trying to adopt again for more than a year and seemed to lose baby after baby. We met another birthmom online and began talking to her. She had the baby and we fell in love with her through pictures while she was in the NICU. The birthmom decided to raise her daughter. Our hearts were broken and we prayed that these two special girls would have everything that they needed in life.

A few months ago, I was reading a friend's blog about her situation that sounded VERY similar to our experience. We found out through her detective skills that this was indeed a scam and the baby that we had fallen in love with had never existed. It's sick that someone would/could do something like that to a couple so desperate, so prepared, so emotional, so deserving. I was angry. Livid actually. And then I remembered my happy ending.

Just one month after learning that we would not be raising that baby, a friend contacted us about someone she knew who was having a baby girl...in five short weeks! We took a leap of faith and made a 14 hour journey to meet her. She chose us as her daughter's parents. I will never forget pulling up to her house after our long, emotional drive and seeing the cutest pregnant belly I've ever seen! It was so great to feel the baby kick and know that she was REAL. At the time I didn't know how important the "Real" part was...I had thought the other baby was real too. Looking back, I am so grateful for the Tender Mercies of the Lord. I'm grateful that I found out that we had been scammed...after it had already happened. I can't change anything about it, but it could have certainly changed my path. What if we lacked the faith in our daughter's birthmom and never went to meet her?

Our daughter is almost a year old. She is our sunshine and the love of my life. (Well, one of them, our 3 year old and my husband are high on my list too! :) Our Father in Heaven is aware of us. He knows us. He loves us. He wants us to be happy. I am so grateful that he led us to her, our REAL baby!

Happy Birthmother's Day!

Today is the day to celebrate Birthmothers! We love you for your selflessness, your devotion and love. Thank you to ALL birthmothers wherever you may be. You are LOVED.

"Natural Child"

Natural child: Any child who is not artificial.
Real parent: Any parent who is not imaginary.
Your own child: Any child who is yours to love.
Adopted child: A natural child, with a real parent who is loved.

Amen! Thanks M!

I wonder

I sometimes wonder what people think when I talk about S's adoption.

I often mention his birth parents in casual conversation - when people comment about how big he is, I tell him his birth parents are both tall. It's amazing how many people make reference to pregnancy when they see you have a baby. They ask about gaining baby weight, being pregnant and going to college, having heart burn, all kinds of things. I just say, "Well, he's adopted, so I don't know." Most often they get that look on their face. The same kind of look I had when I was a freshman in college and asked a girl in my math class if her mom was coming for Mother's Week. She told me her mom was dead. I was so embarrassed and felt horrible, but how was I supposed to know?

Adoption isn't a bad word. I try to be lighthearted or make a joke so the person doesn't feel bad. I never want someone to feel guilty or embarrassed for asking me about adoption. It's a part of life, and more importantly it's a part of our life.

The one thing that I am curious about is what people think. When you tell someone you've adopted, you are basically announcing to complete strangers that there is a reason you had to adopt, whether it be health issues or infertility. No one ever asks, but I wonder what they think.

Helps

I recently came across a website and blog that I love.

The website, http://www.parenthoodforme.org/, has resources for infertility, adoption, parenthood in general. Their motto is "everyone deserves parenthood" so they have helps on how to either overcome infertility or adopt.

The neat thing about them is they offer grants for adopting couples and couples going through medical and fertility treatments. Nice! Most of us know how daunting those bills can be when you are going through so much other emotion in addition.

Their blog, http://parenthoodforme.blogspot.com/, has articles and real life stories. It's just a neat blog to look through. There was an awesome post about fertility a few days ago that I just love. You can find it here. I love feeling like I'm not alone.

I think what I like the most about these sites is that they're all for medical treatment and adoption, because we deserve parenthood either way.

And, if you are in the helping mood, I have a good friend who is hoping to adopt. She has found a fun way to try to help finance that adoption. If you are interested in helping, you can find her blog here: http://www.adoptablanket.blogspot.com/ I have already bought one of her darling blankets as a gift, and it was perfect.

If you know of any other helpful websites please let us know so we can all share the wealth.

Quotes

I love quotes! It's nice to have someone put in to words exactly how you feel or what you need to hear. Here are a few of my favorites:

"Faith in God includes Faith in His Timing." - Elder Neal A. Maxwell

"Those who never give up will find that God never gave up and that He will help them." - President Henry B. Eyring

Adoption is when a child grows in his parents' hearts instead of his mother's tummy. - Unknown

Be patient in afflictions, for thou shalt have many; but endure them, for, lo, I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days. - Doctrine and Covenants 24:8

Hanna has some great quotes on the side bar also.

Any other quotes that are too good not to share? Don't be shy! They don't have to be about adoption, but life in general. We are all in this together, you know.

Adoption Music Reviews

Just like the adoption book list, I only buy my favorites of adoption music. There are many wonderful songs and cds available, I'm sure that simply don't relate to our experiences.

The 3 that I would recommend are:

1. From God's Arms by Michael Mclean.

This is a book/cd combo pack and it is beautiful! There are touching pictures and the lyrics printed out in the book, as well as some background info on the songs. This cd has a song from the adoptive parents point of view, birthmom's and child's. It also has a some neat songs about how a family is created through adoption.

2. Chosen
This is a beautiful cd full of a lot of songs from all view points. There are songs for a couple waiting too, which is neat. My favorite one on there talks about how Joseph "adopted" Jesus as his own. (Delivery, track 3)
It's a beautiful cd at a very reasonable price, just click on the link, Chosen above to order.

3. Do You Have a Little Love to Share
This is a good cd, but only a handful of the songs related to domestic adoption. So, it would be great for foster care adoptions, step-parent adoptions, special needs adoptions, etc. The title song is beautiful and makes you think about the question, "Do you have a little love to share? Can you find it in your heart to care?"

Do YOU have a favorite adoption cd or song? I'd love to hear it if you do!

Adoption Book Reviews

We only have a handful of adoption books for children, but the ones we do own WE LOVE!

1. A Blessing From Above by Patti Henderson-(a Golden Book)

This is one of the first adoption books I was introduced to, before I knew that we would adopt. I remember reading it (crying) and saying, "okay, I think this is what we're going to do!" (It was one of many little experiences that helped us begin on this journey)

The story is about a mother kangaroo who has an empty pouch and prays everyday for a baby to fill it. She is sitting under a tree one day when a baby bluebird falls out of his nest into her pouch. The bird's mother knew that she couldn't take care of her baby, but that he would be loved. It says that every night after that the baby bluebird and his mom thank God that they found each other. (Tears!)

Although the baby is a boy, you could easily substitute that!

2. God Found Us You by Lisa Tawn Bergen (Harper Collins Publishing)

This book is written by the woman who wrote the popular children's books "God Gave Us You" and "God Gave Us Two". It just came out at the end of 2009. Her books are very sweet and she uses parents telling their kids "their" stories to explain things. She discusses how God brought them together and how they prayed and prayed for their baby to come to them. The child in God Found Us You is a boy, but once again, easily substituted.

3. I Don't Have Your Eyes by Carrie A. Kitze (EMK Press)

This is really neat book about how we may look different on the outside, but "in our hearts we are the same". The illustrations suggest that most of the children are a different race than their family, but the words could work for any adoption situation. My favorite lines in the book are, "I don't have you knees...but I have learned your way of giving thanks on mine."

This one has boys and girls in it.

4. Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lynn Curtis (Joanna Cotler Books)

My first introduction to adoption (that I could truly understand and appreciate) probably came when I was 13 or 14 and began babysitting 2 sweet little girls. Their family made it clear that the girls were adopted...and it was no secret or anything to be ashamed of. I loved that about them! They had this book and I read it to them on several occasions. Years later, I found the mother of those girls again and asked her HOW to go about adopting. She has been a source of inspiration and help along the way. I admire their family's approach to talking about adoption, it's one that we will take as well; very open and honest and LOVING.

The little girl in this story asks her parents every night to tell her, again, about the night she was born. They talk about her mom and dad getting the phone call in the middle of the night and flying to get her. The author is very honest about the feelings that come along with all of the "firsts" and the journey to get her baby. I love the illustrations too!

5. The Lambaroo by Diana Kimpton (Gingham Dog Press)

This book is my all time favorite book about adoption. It's a book about our differences and the love that makes us a family. I love it!!! And I think the illustrations are some of the cutest I've ever seen.

*I would highly recommend borrowing books from the library or trying to read excerpts online before purchasing. I have found several books that I have found offensive in the terms they use (like "new mom" and "old mom") or they simply don't relate to our domestic adoptions.

Happy Reading!