My Advice To You

I've been a mom for 4 years. Not a "mom" the traditional way, I am priviledged enough to be an adoptive mom. While this is the most joyous of titles, it also comes with it's challenges. Such as, how do we find a balance in our open adoption? When do we start telling our children? How do I react to someone's well-meaning, but just plain rude questions?

I am still new to this Mom thing. Each new phase brings growing pains. I am on my knees praying for patience more than I care to admit. My heart is broken almost on a daily basis. This is a lot to take on, especially in open adoption. But I have learned a couple of things that are important to me and need to be shared. So, here's my advice for you.

1) Do not expect yourself to be a perfect parent. You have waited so long to be a parent and are blessed with this perfect little being straight from Heaven. You imagine how things will be. And they will be perfect...at times. But as they grow and you try to keep up, there will be days that you raise your voice. Or even need a time out yourself. This child comes with a personality and a huge spirit in a tiny body. You can't control everything. (Telling myself that today.) Give yourself a break. And keep praying for patience.

2) You have to work on developing tough skin and a soft heart. I am a very sensitive person. 9 times out of 10, someone will say something and it will offend me. I am TRYING to overcome this, but it especially hurts when it's about something sacred like bringing children into your family...or how they GET to your family. New motto: "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." (Eleanor Roosevelt)

3) Did I mention you need to give yourself a break? Sometimes, my infertility does the talking, thinking and feeling in me. Although I have two perfect, healthy, beautiful kids, I am still infertile. Adoption did not cure it. Nor would pregnancy. It's a state of mind (in my opinion) more than anything else. I don't go to baby showers. And that's okay. I will send a gift later. I don't associate with people who complain about their pregnancies or tell me horror stories about adoption. This journey is hard enough without subjecting myself to that. This may seem harsh, even irrational. But it's always there. Some days are just better than others.

If you have felt anything similar, please speak up. This road is so much easier to walk down with a friend.

Love,
Hanna