People are cruel sometimes. They say things without thinking. They don't "edit" their thoughts before they reach their mouth. They may mean well, but there are certain things you shouldn't ask people. My list would go like this,
Don't ask me:
-If I'm "done" having kids.
-How much my kids "cost".
-Where my kid's "real" parents are.
-If I'm going to "go for a boy" next time.
Don't tell me:
-I did things the "easy" way
-My kids are lucky I would take them "like they're my own"
-That we should try fertility drugs to "have our own"
-Don't tell me to "relax"
And please don't ever, ever make a joke about being infertile just because you didn't want kids yet and it got people off of your back. Not okay.
Somedays I can handle all things adoption and infertility. I can let the comments go (mostly). And days like today, I need to vent.
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"Not flesh of my flesh nor bone of my bone but still miraculously my own."
"Everywhere in nature we are taught the lessons of patience and waiting. We want things a long time before we get them, and the fact that we wanted them a long time makes them all the more precious when they come."
~Joseph F. Smith
~Joseph F. Smith
"Childbirth is an act of nature but Adoption is an act of God. I guess you could say we're believers and we have a Miracle to prove it."
-unknown
-unknown
“Adoption is not a breaking of trust but a keeping of faith… not the abandonment of a baby but an abandonment of self for a baby’s sake.”
- Curtis Young (2001)
- Curtis Young (2001)
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2 comments:
Yaaa I totally understand you there. I get those comments more often then I'd like. A few weeks ago I asked a pregnant lady in my ward (with 3 girls) if she knew what she was having yet. She replied "another girl...next time my husband and I are just going to do what you guys did and go buy ourselves a boy" Yup! I was upset but I know she wasn't trying to hurt me. People just don't understand adoption sometimes. It just hurts to have our sacred role of motherhood so misunderstood by some.
Before Seth a lot of people made sure I knew how they felt about us "waiting" to have kids. I guess that's the problem with being private with your infertility struggles. After Seth was born I had someone tell me adoption was so cool because you got the baby without having to be pregnant. Recently someone told me they didn't know adoption was so hard. They thought it was so easy before I told them what was involved in the process. And yes, I had someone tell me to relax, take a hot bath, read a book, and then I'd be ready to, ahem, make a baby. That went over really well.
Meka...I cannot believe someone said that to you! You have good self control if you didn't smack her upside the head.
Hanna...I love you. I am glad you have a place to go where people understand the hurt.
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