Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I need help

I want S to grow up knowing he is adopted. I just want it to be a part of who he is so he never has to question or wonder.

My problem is, how do I tell him?! Do I just start from day one saying, "You are adopted." And when he's old enough he can ask me what adopted means? Or do I tell him, "Your birth mom emailed today..." or "You are special because mommy couldn't hold you in her tummy, so someone else did." Or, "You were meant to be part of our family, you just came a different way than most people." ?

My son is almost a year old, and at this point he understands a lot of what I say, but I think this might go over his head. But for how long? I try to tell him, but my words always make me sound like I'm reading a sentence backwards. They just make no sense.

So I need help, advice, experiences. What did you say? When did you start saying it? When did your child understand you? And how did they take it?

Please help me.

4 comments:

Meka said...

I wish I knew! I have a 19 month old, sometimes I practice telling her story to her because I know she doesn't understand it now but I figure it I keep practicing I will get the wording just right for when she is old enough to understand. One thing I want her to know is that her spirit was always meant to be in our home, if my body could get pregnant she would still be in our home she would just look different and we don't want that! And of course it just wasn't the plan, she was meant to come to us this way... but I want her to know she is OURS and always has been!

Kimi said...

Hey friend. I know I can't speak from personal experience, but these ladies can; I know they would be happy to help you:

http://therhouse.blogspot.com/

http://feigningfertility.blogspot.com/

Good luck. I know that whatever you tell S will be from the heart and Spirit-guided.

Hugs!

Hanna said...

I totally agree with Meka. You tell what you can, what feels right and keep working on it. You WILL know what S needs to know.

I heard about a friend the other day who's 4 year answered, when asked why she was so smart, "I was adopted that way!" It made me smile that she was so aware of her adoption and so proud of it. It's no secret, it's sacred and something to rejoice in!

Danna Weekes said...

Our three daughters have always had access to scrapbooks and boxes of things that started from the day we decided to adopt. I have never kept anything secret. Even now that they are teenagers whenever the opportunity comes in a discussion we are having I will tell them little things that I remember from our journey through adoption. From the very beginning I would let them know when I was sending pictures/letters to birthparents. And from the time they were very little we also included a letter "written" by them. Now that they are older they write one each year. From the very beginning we also included them in our family prayers each night (this often opens up a discussion). You are a great mom and you will know when and what to say!