Adoption through the eyes of Glenn Beck

I came across a talk that was given by CNN's Glenn Beck. He and his wife have 1 adopted child. The whole talk was great, but this really stuck out to me.

"This little girl was a hero. She was a remarkable superhero. Raphe doesn’t need Spiderman or Superman; he’s got his natural mother as an example of what real superheroes do. Real superheroes don’t think about themselves. Real superheroes don’t make their life all about them. Real superheroes do the hard thing, and I can’t imagine anything tougher than giving birth to a child and giving that child away and then wondering your whole life what’s happening in his day.

We are so unbelievably blessed, and we are not alone. The Lord doesn’t treat us any differently than He treats you. We are all special children to Him. I know that there is a child waiting for each of us. I know with everything in me that our children selected us in the premortal existence. I know that we stood around and we were honored when that soul looked at us and said, “I want you as my dad, and I want you as my mom. Somehow or another we’ll find each other.” It’s not just getting any child. It’s sometimes waiting for that soul who is trying desperately to fulfill their side of the bargain and to fulfill what you guys set out to do in the first place and to be reunited with his family for time and all eternity. But getting there sometimes, you have to walk through the desert. But once you get out of the desert, water has never tasted sweeter. "

Amen!

"Gotcha Day!"

Today is the 2nd anniversary of what I have heard affectionately called "gotcha day", the day of placement! Our daughter was placed in our care 2 years ago today and it has been the greatest 2 years of my life! Tonight I read some adoption books to her and I wanted to share our favorites...

Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born-Jamie Lee Curtis
I Don't Have Your Eyes-Carrie A. Kitze
Blessing From Above-Patti Henderson
The Lambaroo-Diana Kimpton

There are countless more that are good, but these ones make me cry everytime! :) Happy Gotcha Day!

The Greatest Gift at Christmas

I sent this in to a magazine last year. It was never published, but I just found it in an old email and wanted to share... "My Favorite Christmas Gift."

Just like so many of you, I have many memorable Christmases from my childhood. Like the year I found the doll under the tree that I'd been begging my parents for. Or the Christmas that I made my family members scrapbooks and enjoyed the smiles and tears on Christmas morning. I don't think that any Christmas memory can hold a candle to 2006 though. My husband and I weren't really in the "Christmas mood", more concerned with monetary things, such as painting and repairing our first home and trying to find a way to afford everything. At the end of November, a phone call changed our lives. Our Christmas present that year would be a little girl. She was due in just a few short weeks and her mother heard about us and felt like WE were her daughter's parents. Things became a blur as we rushed to get her room ready and make preparations to go to her once she was born. Everything in our lives went on the back burner and occasionally we'd look at each other and say, "we're going to be PARENTS!"

We weren't taking much time to celebrate Christmas, but in my heart I think I had a glimpse of how Mary must have felt so long ago. Entering my life was the most precious gift that anyone can receive and our Father in Heaven was entrusting her into our care. When I first held my little girl, I felt like I held the world. And because of the great gift (of our Savior) given by our Heavenly Father to His Children, I am able to experience motherhood. To me that is the greatest gift given at Christmas.

An Ugly Word

It doesn't matter to me if you are a Democrat or a Republican. White, black or green. Catholic or Methodist. We are ALL God's children. And we are ALL fighting a war that no one is seeing, but the death toll is climbing. Incomprehensible amounts of souls have been snuffed out before even being born. Abortion. I think it is the ugliest word in the English language. I believe that in an unplanned pregnancy there are TWO options: Parenting or Placing the baby for adoption. Personally I don't believe that abortion is justifiable for any reason. Why? Because I am God's child. Because I know that, I know that we are ALL God's children. For this purpose were we born, to receive a physical body and be tested to return to our Father's Kingdom. Please take a few minutes to watch this incredible woman speak out for the countless souls lost in this war.

Gianna Jessen-abortion survivor part 1

Gianna Jessen-abortion survivor Part 2

Due Date

Today would have been my second daughter's due date, Abbey Fae. I dreamt about her again last night and woke up with a longing to hold her. I have been hoping for a Christmas miracle for our family this year. But, maybe it's been here all along. I have an incredible husband who works so hard to provide for his family. I have a perfect little girl, (who just hit the terrible 2's and has a mind of her own:) a wonderful support system and most of all, I have the knowledge that Jesus Christ died for me. Who could ever ask for more? So, this season, I will try to dwell on the millions of things I have and be grateful for those miracles. When our tiny miracle child DOES come along, I know I will be that much more grateful and it will feel like Christmas every day!

Aching-My Random Thoughts

I think I am taking a huge risk in writing this because I don't know who's reading it. But, this blog is to serve as a journal of sorts for me as I travel the road to find my second child.

There came a point in the struggle to have a child where I knew I had to accept my "empty womb". Me carrying a child at this time is not part of our Creator's plan and I am able to say, "you know better than I." But that doesn't mean that there's not pain. There are days when I feel so "empty" inside and ache to carry a child, not necessarily in my stomach, but in my arms.

A mother gets nine months to protect her baby inside of her. They grow together and she is able to nurture her baby before it is even born. The minute I held my daughter for the first time, those nine months vanished for me and I knew that it was now my great responsibility to nurture and protect her. I didn't need to be the one who had carried her and given her the gift of life. Our sweet birthmom did that willingly for her and I was grateful that she was placed in our arms, our home and our hearts.

I think that once a baby is placed with us, I will experience again the amazing feelings of love and gratitude and will be able to forget that I didn't carry that child inside. It's just the waiting that'll kill ya.

Couples that face infertility, in any form, often feel unworthy, unloved, hopeless, jealous, sad. It is a lot to face and OVERCOME. Personally, I think that you have much more of the "natural man" in you with all of those feelings and emotions. But, you deal. You cry, you scream, you do whatever it takes to move past the pain. And there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Your child is out there waiting for you.

"Because our empty arms had hurt us through the years
And thoughts of all that might have been would often bring a tear
But we felt hope amid the struggle, for in our hearts we knew
There could be an angel mother who could make all our dreams come true."

-Empty Arms
Janice Kapp Perry

Gratitude

So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I wanted to talk about the things relating to adoption that I am thankful for. As I have said before, losing our baby has hurt SO badly and I still find myself crying at random moments. But, I am choosing today to focus on the positives of that experience so that I can say, "I am grateful that this has happened to us."

I am thankful that...

1. I was able to go to my first ultrasound
2. I was able to get to know an incredible young woman who became like a sister to me
3. we were able to know again the love that we could feel for a child we did not create
4. my husband, Daniel, and I have grown closer together
5. it made us appreciate our sweet Brinley and her beautiful birthmom more
6. we felt like we were doing our part to get our next child here (which, to an adoptive couple who has NO control whatsoever, that is a HUGE thing!)
7. I have made new friends through this experience. Friends who understand and offer advice, kleenex or just a listening ear. Friends who have cried with me. Thank you.
8. I have felt hands that are not my own lifting me when I could no longer stand
9. we have caught a glimpse of what a birthparent feels and I think it has given us a little more compassion, a little more understanding and a little more love.
10. a new day is just around the corner and we WILL find our child.

What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? Were you recently placed with? Are you a birthparent? Has your life been changed forever by adoption?

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! God is good to us!

Stories

I am in awe every time I hear someone's adoption story. The chain of events that led them to that place, to that child...it's incredible. I know that our journey to find our beautiful little girl was miraculous and something we marvel at every day. Each story is so different, different situations, characters, settings, but they all share a common factor. God led them to their child, or their child to them. Would anyone like to share their story?

What is Real?

I found a mother's day talk on my yahoo adoption group that had me in tears. The woman who wrote it had experienced infertility and many years of tears and prayers...and then she was blessed with the gift of a child through adoption. People don't always understand adoption, therefore there are often comments made that may be well-meaning, but are offensive. One thing that people say to adoptive parents is "where's his/her REAL mom? What did their REAL dad look like?"

I feel like as an adoptive mom it is not only right for me to help clear up these misconceptions, but it is my calling. Having the oppurtunity to gain a family through adoption is something that some people might not be willing or able to do. But those who do adopt understand that every child, biological or not is Heavenly Father's child and is only on loan to us for this earthly existence.

Here is a little from her talk. She actually used the story of the Velveteen Rabbit in a way that I had never thought of before.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick out handle?" (Or the ability to bear your own children) "Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.""Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit. "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." "Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?""It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become.It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off (or you have pulled it all out!), and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.""I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled."

I Can't Do It Alone

So, it's now been 6 weeks since we found out that our birthmom changed her mind and decided to parent her baby. It has been a very long, hard 6 weeks. I have cried many tears and asked many "whys"? I have felt alone and wished that people could understand our loss. But today I realized that although it would be great if people could TRULY understand our loss, the pain is mine to endure to get to the point of healing.

But, I can't do it alone. None of us can, which is why we have been given our family and friends. And our Savior.

You have someone to lean on. Always.