Hannah

My entire life I have been told how I got my name from the Hannah in the bible, just minus the "h" on the end. My parents had prayed and prayed for me after a couple of miscarriages and I was the answer to their prayers. It's the kind of story that makes you feel wanted, grounded, loved.

I have a dear, dear friend who is going through something very similar to our trial, hoping for a baby. We have discussed the feelings that live inside, the anger. The sadness. The feelings of unworthiness and jealousy. She told me the story of "Hannah" in a way that I had never thought of before.

In the first book of Samuel, Hannah is married to a man who has 2 wives. The other wife can bear children, she cannot. Talk about jealousy and bitterness. That would be so painful! Her husband loved her, "but the Lord had shut up her womb." (Samuel 1:5) Then it says something that hit home..."and her adversary provoked her sore, for to make her fret, because the Lord had shut up her womb." (Samuel 1:6)
Her adversary provoked her sore...Satan made her angry. Obviously the bad feelings that often come with infertility and sometimes creep into our adoption experience are not from God. As we know, every good thing comes from God. But I hadn't thought in detail about these feelings and where they were coming from. I just knew they were real and they HURT.

Hannah "went up to the house of the Lord" where she prayed and wept, and prayed some more. Her husband asked her why she was crying and said "why is thy heart grieved? Am not I better to thee than 10 sons?" I am pretty sure that at least one partner in a marriage facing infertility has asked this question before. You are ENOUGH, but you can't fix the hurt.

Hannah continues to pray, and pray. She "wept sore", sound familiar? She pleads with the Lord and makes a vow that if she is blessed with a child she will give him over in the service of God. Guess what, her faith is sufficient and her prayers are answered. "For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him" Then we learn that as long as her son Samuel lived, he worshipped the Lord at the Temple.

I learned SO much reading this again. How many nights I have "wept sore" but I know that the Lord hears my petition.

I found this in the Bible Dictionary about prayer : "Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work, and is an apointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings."

How grateful I am to my dear friend for showing me something I had been missing in the story of Hannah and Samuel. I know that the Lord answers our prayers. He really does. I have Brinley as proof. :) He'll answer your's too, you know. Sending hugs your way as you face this difficult trial.