God Found Us You

Tonight I was reading "God Found Us You" to my daughter. There was a page that made me cry and brought back memories,

"Did you ever want to give up?" Little Fox asked.
"Sometimes." Mama said, rubbing Little Fox's cheek with hers. "But I trusted that God knew you, and knew me, and knew when we would fit perfectly together."

In adoption, there seem to be so many roadblocks, so many times that you want to give up. But you don't. And I'm so grateful we didn't.

I asked my daughter if I could tell her again about the first time I met her. "No" she said. I told her anyway. I started crying as I related the beautiful, beautiful day I first saw and held her. She said, "are you crying?!" I told her that I was because I was happy. Then I said that I couldn't believe she was almost 4! She said, "are you going to cry on my birthday?" My reply, "Probably." I will always cry and embarass you sweet girl because you are my miracle and God found us you! Oh, and I'm your mom and it's my job to cry! :)

What Not to Say

I stumbled across this and totally loved it. (Yes, he's a single father of an adopted son. And he's brilliant.)

Single Dad Laughing's Guide to Adoption Etiquette

SDL does drop a few inappropriate words, but I loved his message. He's so candid and real about his responses.

I took stock of how whether or not I'd heard these things and here is what I came up with.

1. Never heard this one. I have had interested persons ask me how much it cost to adopt, which I was happy to answer. But I've never had someone ask me "how much my kid cost."
2. Never heard this one either. I'd probably laugh.
3. I've heard versions of this. And yes, I had to suppress the urge to hit something.
4. Oh boy. If I had a dime for every time I heard this...
5. Yes.
6. No.
7. Yes.
8. Yes. And while they are just trying to be nice, I do agree. I don't look at pregnant women and say, "You're so good to give birth." We're all just parents, and our children come to our families however they're supposed to.
9. I got the horrible adoption stories. It boggles my mind why someone would do this. It's like telling a pregnant women horrible miscarriage stories.
10. Never heard this, but Seth is still young. I usually hear, "Is it hard for you that he's adopted?"
11. Heard these stories too. It always made me feel guilty that we were able to adopt. And the last thing I want to feel when looking at my son is guilt.

The thing I like to remember when dealing with stupid or hurtful comments is usually the offender just doesn't know any better. They're not trying to be rude (most of the time), they're just ignorant. I can cut them a little slack, and it helps with my anger management.

Thank you

Thank you so much to everyone who commented on my previous post with advice, help, and encouragement. I guess I just needed to be reminded that I am a good mom and it'll be ok.

I was listening to Michael McLean's song, "From God's Arms to My Arms to Yours," and the birth mom talks about the adoptive mom giving the child both his mothers' love. I truly feel that. With S I feel like I love him so much, enough for the both of us, and that will make everything alright in the end.

PS. If you think of any other tips or ideas, please let me know!